I came SOOOO close to cheating today. I had made my kids some peanutbutter chocolate chip cookies yesterday and today I transfered what was left on the plate into a ziplock bag. They smelled SO FREAKING GOOD! I thought to myself.....what harm would one cookie do? I picked it up and smelled it. It was soft, just the way I like my cookies. Chewy and soft. mmmmm Anyway as I thought about how good the cookie would taste I realized that once I started there would be no way I could just stop at one. I knew I'd eat the remaining 6 cookies within 2.8 seconds. Then I'd feel sick, and even worse, I'd feel guilty. PLUS I know that would cause a crazy stall and or gain. Niether of which is getting me closer to my 50lb goal I want to get to within the next 2 weeks. UGH!
I don't know why we are so addicted to food. What is it that causes such deep emotions within us? I was feeling sorry for myself again today and was bummed at how little variety there is in this diet during phase 2. Esp considering I can't stand beef or seafood. Then I thought of people from other countries who are on the brink on starvation. How they eat pretty much the same thing day in and day out and they are thankful. Can you imagine how thrilled they'd be if they had even the little variety we have during phase 2? They'd be over the moon with all of it. Yet here I am, ticked. Mad that I've allowed myself to get fat so that I'm now forced to do this crazy diet.
I go back and forth I guess. I'm shocked that this diet works as well as it does. Like I was telling Cindy earlier this week. This diet is easy. Esp since they don't encourage any crazy exercising. It's simple, the rules are easy to understand. It's easy. Mentally this diet is HARD!!! You're forced to face all your food demons. You're forced to look inside yourself and see what caused you to get to this point in your life. Mentally this diet is awful. There are good days and bad days. For the most part the longer you're on it, the easier it gets. Now and again (like today) you have a moment where you feel so weak. You're cravings become so very strong. You start to think crazy thoughts and feel sorry for yourself.
I'm happy to report that I didn't cheat. I put the cookie down, I changed my attitude, and I forced myself to do something outside of the kitchen.
What is it about food that has us so addicted?
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3 comments:
Congrats on walking away!
I couldn't really tell you what it is about food that has us so addicted... except the addictive chemicals they add to fast food to MAKE you addicted. It's disgusting what I am learning in nutrition class. Maybe I will ask Chef your question in class tomorrow and see what he comes up with!
I like to take all of my feelings, smash them into a tiny ball in the bottom of my stomach, and then cover them in food so they can't get back out.
Yay you for avoiding the cookie devil! One thing that I have learned over the years is to wash your food if it is begging you to eat it. (crazy?) If you can successfully wash that cookie, then you deserve to eat it.
To answer the question about food addiction, it is no different than alcohol, drugs or smoking. Some some people could care less about eating and only eat to live, not live to eat. You did a great thing today, by sharing your near miss with us. For some reason, I can't pass by the candy machines at Walmart without searching for a quarter. I have managed to avoid them though. Some day they might win. I pray that I am stronger than them. Imagine being taken down for the count by a stupid quarter and a candy dispenser.
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